Sometimes, talking to your partner about couples therapy can be met with resistance. Even if you’re sure that seeking support is the right way to move the relationship forward, your partner may feel reluctant, unsure, or downright unwilling.

In this guide, we’ll discuss the different techniques you can use to help your partner see couples therapy as a viable option for the health and happiness of your relationship. You’ll also learn some new communication strategies that might help your relationship along the way.

What is Couples Therapy?

It might help to know a little more about what couples therapy is all about. Sometimes called marriage counselling, couples therapy helps you and your partner strengthen bonds and resolve conflict in your relationship through the support of a non-judgemental, impartial psychologist.

Sometimes, couples use therapy as a ‘last-resort’ – try to seek support before this stage, as once one or both partners have emotionally separated from the relationship, it can be a serious challenge to commit to rebuilding the relationship through therapy.

Starting The Conversation

The first step is to approach your partner about couples therapy in a calm and gentle manner. Avoid suggesting therapy when you’re already arguing, as this is likely to inflame the situation further. Instead, choose a moment when you’re both feeling relaxed, perhaps after the kids are in bed or while you’re watching TV.

Hey babe, while we have a sec, can I talk to you about something?

Discussing The Relationship

Try starting the conversation by asking your partner about their experiences: what changes would they like to see in the relationship? What would work better for them?

In this stage, you should focus on recognising and understanding their experiences – it will be impossible to inspire them to attend therapy if they don’t know how it could possibly help. If you find that they are blaming you for problems in the relationship, try not to get upset or angry. Acknowledge their concerns and emphasise with their feelings to gain a deeper understanding of what your partner is trying to communicate. Keep on asking open-ended questions to ensure you understand your partner’s perspective while helping them feel heard.

I understand what you’re saying – I hate it when we fight too. If we learnt to communicate better and spent less time arguing, how do you think that would improve our relationship?

Bridging The Gap

Now that you understand what your partner feels is missing in the relationship, you can suggest couples therapy as a way of resolving these troubles. For example, if your partner has mentioned that they are sick of fighting, try highlighting how attending couples therapy could improve your communication and help you solve reoccurring disagreements.

Make sure to focus on how you’d like to improve the relationship, not on the problems you perceive within your partner. Discuss how couples therapy can help you change unhelpful patterns and strengthen your relationship, rather than the things you’d like your partner to do differently.

I want us to try couples therapy because I think it would help us communicate better and have less fights. I think it will help me become a better partner and understand you better – that’s really important to me, so I’d like to give it a go.  

Making The Suggestion

It’s time to invite your partner to attend therapy. Make sure you are offering an invitation, not making a demand. Your partner should not feel pressured to participate, or like there will be ‘consequences’ if they choose not to.

If they say no, you can ask them to expand on their reasoning, and answer any questions they have. If they continue to disagree, leave the issue there without escalating it into an argument – you don’t want therapy to be another sticking point in your relationship. Remember, the aim isn’t to force your partner to attend therapy – it should be a mutual decision. You can always revisit the issue another time after they have had a chance to think it through.

Thank you for having this chat with me. I really appreciated what you had to say – let me know if you have any more questions about therapy and we’ll find out the answers together.  

If they say yes, express your appreciation and make them a part of the process. Contact a couples therapist together and continue to work on positive communication skills in the meantime.

Thank you so much for agreeing to attend couples therapy with me. I’m really excited to learn about how I can support you better and improve our relationship. Let’s jump online and check out couples therapists near us. 

Couples Therapy at Tonic Psychology

At Tonic Psychology we’re proud to have provided quality counselling for many years. As part of our commitment to the health and wellness of all Australians, we’re thrilled to offer couples therapy with our experienced, compassionate psychologists.

If you’d like to learn more about couples counselling and how it can help your relationship, please check out our series of blogs, or contact the Tonic Psychology team today to make an appointment.