Couples Counselling & Relationship Support :

Relationships can give us the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. People in relationships usually face some strain as they attempt to navigate the world together, and when the negotiations of sharing living spaces and everyday responsibilities come into play it can create emotional challenges for individuals.

While it is common for relationships to have their ‘ups and downs’, and for conflict to occur in varying degrees, sometimes problems that emerge are more dysfunctional and life draining.

Relationship problems, breakdowns, and separations are a common trigger for seeking therapy. This could be the result of problems such as parenting differences, financial stress, sexual problems, infidelity, inequality, clashing of values, emotional disconnection, or a build-up of resentment just to name a few. At times, these issues are best addressed in couples counselling, where both parties have an equal presence in therapy and work collaboratively together with the guidance of a therapist.

In other circumstances, therapy may be more valuable for individuals in the relationship. This may be more relevant to those who find relationships particularly triggering and an ongoing source of distress in their lives, nonspecific to the current relationship. For example, individuals suffering the effects of an abusive, unstable, unloving, or chaotic upbringing may have trouble navigating adult relationships. This is because difficult attachments in childhood have the potential to activate our most primal fears – abandonment, mistrust, abuse, or feeling neglected. If such childhood issues have been left unresolved, there is a higher potential for these strong emotions to be activated again in intimate relationships.

Difficulties responding to these strong emotions effectively may lead into unhealthy behaviours in relationships, such as:

·       Acting in a possessive, overly jealous, or controlling manner

·       Becoming preoccupied by fears and insecurities that your partner doesn’t love you

·       Acting on insecurities by seeking constant reassurance

·       Flipping between devaluing the relationship, and threatening to leave

·       Avoiding sex, intimacy, or conflict in relationships

·       Externalising blame towards your partner

At Tonic Psychology, our psychologists are trained to provide therapy which promotes healing from the past, whilst building an understanding about your coping styles in relationships, whether you want to seek therapy for relationship issues in a couple or as an individual setting – they are here to help.

Our psychologists also aim to build upon healthy strategies to enrich your current relationships rather than repeat old life-draining patterns of behaviour. They can focus on what is truly in your control and reframe your understanding about what contribution ‘your stuff’ has towards your relationship problems. Your stuff becomes our psychologists’ stuff, where they aim to help you with your relationship challenges and can assist you with a range of techniques and strategies to strengthen yourself as an individual which will benefit your relationship in the long-term.

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New Year New Mental Health

As the new year begins, it's important to take time to prioritize your mental health. At Tonic Psychology, a psychology clinic located in Essendon, Melbourne, we offer a range of services to support individuals in taking care of their mental well-being.

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Common areas that people struggle with in the new year:

Depression Counselling

One common issue that many people struggle with is depression. If you're feeling down or hopeless for an extended period of time, it's important to seek help from a psychologist. Our team at Tonic Psychology in Essendon, Melbourne is experienced in working with individuals dealing with depression and can provide evidence-based treatment options to support you in overcoming this challenge.

Counselling for Anxiety

Anxiety is another common concern that can have a significant impact on daily life. Our psychologists in Melbourne are trained to help individuals identify the causes of their anxiety and develop strategies to manage it. Whether you're dealing with general anxiety, social anxiety, or phobias, we can work with you to find the right treatment approach.

Couples Therapy and Relationship Counselling

Couples counselling is another area of expertise at Tonic Psychology. If you and your partner are experiencing relationship difficulties, our psychologists in Balmain can provide support and guidance to help you improve communication and strengthen your bond.

Life Coaching and Career Counselling

In addition to traditional psychological services, we also offer life coaching and career counselling. These approaches can be helpful for individuals who are looking to make significant changes in their personal or professional lives. Our team can provide support as you navigate these transitions and work towards your goals.

Overall, it's important to prioritize your mental health and seek support when needed. At Tonic Psychology in Essendon, Melbourne, or Balmain Sydney, our team of experienced psychologists is here to help. Whether you're dealing with depression, anxiety, relationship issues, or looking for guidance as you make changes in your life, we can provide the support you need to thrive. So don't hesitate to reach out and take the first step towards improving your mental well-being in the new year.

Couples Counselling – Is it time for Relationship Counselling?

The idea of visiting a couples counsellor can seem like a daunting prospect. It involves acknowledging that not all is perfect in your relationship – something that can be really hard to do.

However, couples therapy can achieve great results – the support of a professional helps you and your partner reconnect and grow as a couple. Couples counselling gives you the tools to fight the problem – rather than each other!

Our Tonic Psychology couples counsellors help people from all walks of life, who are dealing with all kinds of different relationship issues. If you and your partner are struggling with any of the common relationship problems listed below, couples counselling could be just the thing you need to help get your relationship back on track:

#1 You Have Recurring Arguments and Frequent Conflict

Do you feel like you have the same argument every day? Whether you’re bumping heads about the kids, work, or chores, the support of a couples counsellor could help you address underlying issues and solve the problem for good.

Disagreements are common in relationships, but if you often feel misunderstood or unappreciated by your partner, the support of an impartial professional may help you bridge the gap. Additionally, if you notice conflict or disagreement happening more often than usual, seeking support at the earliest opportunity means problems don’t get the chance to fester and frustrate you further.

It is important to remember that if you are experiencing emotional, sexual, or physical abuse, or are being coerced or intimidated by your partner, it is not your fault and there is help available. Seek the support of an individual counsellor either in person or on the phone and leave when it is safe for you to do. 

#2 You Feel Stuck in Unhealthy Patterns

It’s normal for couples to settle into routines – things we don’t think about, but simply do. Sometimes, the daily patterns and habits we create for ourselves don’t really benefit us after all. Some might be seemingly innocuous, like the morning ritual of repeatedly snoozing of an alarm that wakes both you and your partner, or the quiet assumption that you’re happy to do the dishes every night.

Household distribution of chores and caring for family members is a common cause of discontent for couples. The support of a couples counsellor can help you and your partner come to an agreement that benefits you both, and support you in sticking to it. Patterns take time to change – chatting to a couples counsellor means you’re getting a head-start on creating new, healthy habits.

#3 You’ve Experienced Something Traumatic

Devastating events can fundamentally change the nature of your relationship. Tragic events such as the loss of a child, a long illness, or a natural disaster or accident can make recreating intimacy and closeness in your relationship feel difficult, or even impossible. You and your partner may want to reconnect but need the tools and support of a professional to help you do so.

Counsellors have the education and experience to help you understand how trauma affects your thoughts and emotions. If you’re in a relationship, weathering the emotional challenges that come with tragedy should be a shared effort – a couples counsellor will work with you to support each other as you grow and rebuild together.

Tonic Psychology – Couples Counselling Near Me

Our Tonic Psychology team understand how important it is for you to find a counsellor you can trust. We offer compassionate and confidential marriage counselling and relationship counselling for all families.

If you would like to learn more about how our team of counsellors and psychologists can help you, or if you’d like to book in at our Essendon or Balmain practice today, contact us on the phone or online.

Talking to Your Partner About Couples Therapy

Sometimes, talking to your partner about couples therapy can be met with resistance. Even if you’re sure that seeking support is the right way to move the relationship forward, your partner may feel reluctant, unsure, or downright unwilling.

In this guide, we’ll discuss the different techniques you can use to help your partner see couples therapy as a viable option for the health and happiness of your relationship. You’ll also learn some new communication strategies that might help your relationship along the way.

What is Couples Therapy?

It might help to know a little more about what couples therapy is all about. Sometimes called marriage counselling, couples therapy helps you and your partner strengthen bonds and resolve conflict in your relationship through the support of a non-judgemental, impartial psychologist.

Sometimes, couples use therapy as a ‘last-resort’ – try to seek support before this stage, as once one or both partners have emotionally separated from the relationship, it can be a serious challenge to commit to rebuilding the relationship through therapy.

Starting The Conversation

The first step is to approach your partner about couples therapy in a calm and gentle manner. Avoid suggesting therapy when you’re already arguing, as this is likely to inflame the situation further. Instead, choose a moment when you’re both feeling relaxed, perhaps after the kids are in bed or while you’re watching TV.

Hey babe, while we have a sec, can I talk to you about something?

Discussing The Relationship

Try starting the conversation by asking your partner about their experiences: what changes would they like to see in the relationship? What would work better for them?

In this stage, you should focus on recognising and understanding their experiences – it will be impossible to inspire them to attend therapy if they don’t know how it could possibly help. If you find that they are blaming you for problems in the relationship, try not to get upset or angry. Acknowledge their concerns and emphasise with their feelings to gain a deeper understanding of what your partner is trying to communicate. Keep on asking open-ended questions to ensure you understand your partner’s perspective while helping them feel heard.

I understand what you’re saying – I hate it when we fight too. If we learnt to communicate better and spent less time arguing, how do you think that would improve our relationship?

Bridging The Gap

Now that you understand what your partner feels is missing in the relationship, you can suggest couples therapy as a way of resolving these troubles. For example, if your partner has mentioned that they are sick of fighting, try highlighting how attending couples therapy could improve your communication and help you solve reoccurring disagreements.

Make sure to focus on how you’d like to improve the relationship, not on the problems you perceive within your partner. Discuss how couples therapy can help you change unhelpful patterns and strengthen your relationship, rather than the things you’d like your partner to do differently.

I want us to try couples therapy because I think it would help us communicate better and have less fights. I think it will help me become a better partner and understand you better – that’s really important to me, so I’d like to give it a go.  

Making The Suggestion

It’s time to invite your partner to attend therapy. Make sure you are offering an invitation, not making a demand. Your partner should not feel pressured to participate, or like there will be ‘consequences’ if they choose not to.

If they say no, you can ask them to expand on their reasoning, and answer any questions they have. If they continue to disagree, leave the issue there without escalating it into an argument – you don’t want therapy to be another sticking point in your relationship. Remember, the aim isn’t to force your partner to attend therapy – it should be a mutual decision. You can always revisit the issue another time after they have had a chance to think it through.

Thank you for having this chat with me. I really appreciated what you had to say – let me know if you have any more questions about therapy and we’ll find out the answers together.  

If they say yes, express your appreciation and make them a part of the process. Contact a couples therapist together and continue to work on positive communication skills in the meantime.

Thank you so much for agreeing to attend couples therapy with me. I’m really excited to learn about how I can support you better and improve our relationship. Let’s jump online and check out couples therapists near us. 

Couples Therapy at Tonic Psychology

At Tonic Psychology we’re proud to have provided quality counselling for many years. As part of our commitment to the health and wellness of all Australians, we’re thrilled to offer couples therapy with our experienced, compassionate psychologists.

If you’d like to learn more about couples counselling and how it can help your relationship, please check out our series of blogs, or contact the Tonic Psychology team today to make an appointment.