Emotion regulation refers to the ability to manage and control our emotions in healthy and adaptive ways. The opposite of emotion regulation is emotion suppression which happens when individuals seek to push uncomfortable feelings and thoughts out of the mind.

Why is emotion regulation important?

When we’re feeling excited, we might want to feel a little less excited and instead more focused; when we’re feeling angry, we might want to feel less angry and more relaxed. Regulating our emotions is about finding a balance between how you feel in the moment and what you want your experience of that emotion to be; emotions essentially drive behaviour. The goal is not to “get rid” of emotions because they ultimately serve a very helpful purpose, but rather to maximise our experiences of our emotions; in other words, effectively use our emotions.

It’s important to regulate your emotions because the alternative i.e., suppression, leads to long-term difficulty in how we relate to ourselves, and others. When we suppress our emotions we don’t build any skill in our ability to cope with difficult emotions and we can fall into the trap of displacement which involves diverting feelings in an unhelpful way. For example, dumping angry feelings that were suppressed earlier in the day onto your colleagues by yelling at them for small mistakes. When we can effectively regulate our emotions, we are less likely to experience negative psychological states such as anxiety, depression and stress.

How to regulate our emotions

Self-awareness

To effectively regulate our emotions, it can be helpful to begin by reflecting on how our emotions trigger us, specifically, trigger us to act, trigger us to inhibit and trigger us to manage. We may find we feel excited when we have something planned after work, which may trigger the action of unproductivity that day in the office. We may find we feel angry because the vending machine malfunctioned and inhibit the act of kicking the machine. We may find we feel anxious in the lead-up to a big presentation and find that we are having to manage by talking to a trusted person and taking long, deep breaths. The process of emotion regulation needs self-reflection to be effective.

Re-appraisal

This skill is essentially placing focus on coping with negative emotions by altering the way we think. By altering how we think, we are more likely to accept our subjective reality, albeit it a difficult one. Let’s use an example where you made a mistake at work and your boss becomes noticeably annoyed. We can replace thoughts like “my boss hates me,” “I have no worth here anymore” etc., with alternatives such as “my boss is upset at the moment, I am sure I can make up for this”, or “I know I am good at my job, everybody makes mistakes”. Chances are the feelings you had once been feeling might shift a little. This is the act of emotion regulation.

Outlets

A great and often easy way to regulate our emotions is to release them! In safe and positive ways of course. Journalling (on paper or virtually) talking to a trusted person, painting, exercising etc. The idea behind these outlets is you’re doing something with your emotions rather than keeping them stagnant inside. It also shows you notice what you’re feeling and are acknowledging the emotions.

At Tonic Psychology we have psychologists that can guide you to build these emotion regulation skills. We want to help you build a more effective relationship with your emotions because they are so important! Book an appointment today or visit our website for more information.